There’s a huge difference between respect and fear and a lot of times we mistaken one for the other, especially in intimate relationships.
Statistically, four woman are killed in South Africa each day, of which three are killed by their intimate partners. And a lot who survive death and the abuse still stay because of the fear of the unknown greatness hidden in the ‘moving on part’.
We dwell in relationships that are built on unstable foundations because we are scared of losing that one person we love. We sacrifice ourselves so much that we overlook faults and real issues. At the end of the day we end up believing we are at fault and we deserve to be punished.
People are manipulative and to some extent they make you feel they are actually doing you a favour by being with. They make sure they inject you with enough fear to fully believe living without them lands you in hell. With them, you are not allowed to live your life to your fullest potential, you are not allowed to breath, dream or become better. And that alone is abusive. You literally become an object, a love body in which someone lives their lives through.
It doesn’t have to be physical or sexual to be abusive. Emotional abuse is just as disturbing. It leads to a lot of after effects like alcoholism, drug abuse, etc. All of these will be done to numb the pain brewing inside or to find validation. The greatest of all end products has to be suicide, because people are not strong enough to handle or deal.
It’s difficult to overcome abuse, first individually before the external atmosphere. It takes up so much strength to admit and accept it. Education/knowledge also plays a huge role. People don’t know that’s why they stay so long. They get addicted to the pain and make it their daily habit because they fear any other feeling that is foreign or different from what they endure daily. It’s like a daily routine or a habit, they cannot mess up the order in which they do things, so they conform to the low standards and remain addicted to the pain because they are taught to believe they deserve it.
When i went through that abusive stage, it was hard for me to deal with. I rejected the truth because I feared the power that rested upon me. But with a little push and willingness I became aware of certain things and was able to break free. Here are some of the tips that helped me get through:
- Admit it. Admit you have a problem and you need help.
- Pray about it. So many times we fail to have conversations with God because we tell Him what we think He wants to hear. Be open, He knows your heart, be fully soaked in the confidence of knowing He’s got you.
- Find someone to talk to. Go for therapy or find a support group. Talking helps.
- Be open-minded and teachable. Understand that depression is real, it isn’t witchcraft as our society claims. And it is curable.
- Find a hobby. This helps with realizing your talents and it also gives you an opportunity to think differently.
- Be patient with yourself. Things are not going to change overnight. It’s a process – Understand that.
- Learn to love yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. Embrace your flaws and forgive yourself.
- REPORT IT! Break the silence.
Nikita Gill once said, “If you want to know what it’s like to survive hell and still come out shining brighter than the sun, just look into the eyes of the woman who has survived intense damage and refuse to allow it to destroy her softness”.